YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP, SIS.
I have been both thinking and talking a lot about what I need lately. What I need to be successful at work, what I need to be successful in school, and what I need to be successful in relationships. This has been a very hard process of introspection. I can be a bit of a people pleaser. I am super service-minded and want to make sure everyone else is okay and can neglect how I feel and not acknowledge my needs.
Is this healthy? NOT AT ALL! But, here we are…
Well, through this process I have been forced to recognize what it is I need and call it out. It has been hard but extremely helpful; though it is tough to see how acknowledging my own needs can result in not giving my loved ones the attention they are starving for and the affection they need to meet their own needs. But why does this bother me?
As I stated before, I am learning to acknowledge what I need to be successful in relationships. You know the whole self-care thing I was talking about in Alone Time is My Self-Love Language. I have realized that I need space. I need space to think and process my day and my feelings. I need to not be bogged down by what is going on in the lives of others in order to digest what is going on in my own life. I need to put myself first. I have learned that I can become a “dumping ground” for my friends who need to verbally process their days or their troubles and struggles. I have also realized that these conversations can be one-sided and I am often left needing release and exchange. As a result, I end up venting to another person and do exactly what it is that annoys me.
The cycle is crazy!
Since I have realized this about myself I have been doing relationships differently. I have learned how to let my phone ring and go to voicemail. I have learned to not respond to text messages, Facebook Messenger messages, Instagram DMs and whatever other forms of communication folk try to contact me though. I have learned /am learning to not worry about not pleasing or taking care of other’s feelings because I CAN’T POUR OUT OF AN EMPTY CUP!
YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP, SIS. I know we want to make sure everyone around us is doing alright. We want healthy relationships with open communication and the people we love to feel they can come to us as confidants. We want to be strong and all-around just there for the people we love, but are they there for us in the same way? Or better, are we allowing them to be there for us in the same way? Are we being clear with them about what we need? Are we transparent about exactly what it is that we have the mental capacity to deal with when our friends call to blow off some steam? Do we tell them that we can’t be there for them right now because we can’t seem to be there for ourselves at the moment?
I challenge you this week, as I challenge myself, to be more open about what you need to be successful in relationships. What do you need to be there for yourself? What do you look like as a whole person? What do you need to do to ensure you are pouring from a full cup? And… what do you need to do to support others? I challenge you to ask your lovies if they are in a space to hear you vent. Check yourself to be sure you are not always dominating conversations with your problems and seemingly minimizing their struggles (it happens even if unintended). Make sure you are okay and your loves are okay too.
