“Woman of a Certain Age”
Sooo… this past weekend I went home to surprise my momma for her 60th birthday. It was a whirlwind weekend full of food and family. Another 36-hour trip – you all know how I love my quick trips apparently – Anyway while celebrating the old lady I was quickly reminded of my singleness and lack of childless. I mean, what is family for, right?
Aunts, cousins, everyone wants to know… but why?
Why is it important for us to be coupled? Why are we as women, specifically, defined by our connection to another, STILL? It is 2000- freakin- 19! Why is it cause for question for a “woman of a certain age” to be by herself and happy? What’s the problem? Are people afraid she may be gay? (AND if she is? *insert “eyes” emoji*)
Yesterday I was talking to a friend about this. She is about ten years older than me and in a very different place in life with grown behind kids and stuff. Well, she and I were joking I said that if I don’t get things together in the next few years (I’m 30) I am just going to adopt at 50 and keep a Stedman in the guesthouse (because we all know Auntie Oprah doesn’t let him in the main house until she is ready to be bothered).
I joked but the reality of life is, if I want to do these things, I can. It’s not a big deal. I love how more and more it is becoming acceptable for my white sisters to just make the choice to have and raise a child on her own. I just wish it was not considered such a taboo in my own minority community – though it has been happening for years but society ALL black men as deadbeats stripping women of our abilities to make our own choices and to think for ourselves.
While scrolling through the book of faces and chatting with a man-friend (I’m single until I’m not, get out my business) I said in jest, “everyone is having babies, let’s have one too” and his response was “that’s up to you”. And at the end of the day, it is. It is up to me whether I want to risk life and limb to gestate for the better part of a year, and then undergo what is probably the equivalent to a major surgery without being KOed, and then deal with a broke best friend (or two, or more depending on how my body decides to act) for the rest of my life. It is up to me if I would want to be in a relationship with the man-friend or not. It is up to me how I shape our parenting relationship (on my end) if that was the route we chose. There would be a lot up to me. And it is up to me whether or not I go down that road.
So, if it’s all up to me, why is my singleness and childlessness (look at me coining new terms) a question? It’s my business. I am the one living this life. I am the one who has to consider the possible health complications of risking my life to make babies happen, and whether I want a husband or a Stedman in the guesthouse. It is up to me! And in your situation, it is up to you!
And if you are the family member asking the single lady “of a certain age” in your life these questions, stop. Let her live. Let her be great. Leave her alone so she can live her best life.
