Alone time is my self-love language

Soo…. my birthday was this past weekend. I turned 30 and did absolutely nothing! I LOVED IT! I am in grad school so I did some homework, of course, but for the most part, I was blissfully bored. I did nothing wild or crazy. I stewed in my stank and enjoyed my own company. I talked to my nieces and chopped it up with some other family members. I continued my Scandal binge (I know, I know! I told ya’ll I never finished the show originally), and chillin’. That is what I needed. I needed my time. I needed to just veg out and be by myself. I needed to let my inner introvert strut her glorious self and recharge.

I got so many questions from friends and loved ones who simply asked, “why?”. They questioned why I didn’t do anything for my birthday. They asked why I did not plan anything with my friends near me nor plan a trip. I just wanted to be alone and relax. Is that all that foreign to us?

Is the idea of being alone crazy? Can we not spend time and enjoy our own company? Why are we afraid to be alone and to love ourselves?  Why is being alone so scary? Why are we uncomfortable with our own presence?

This question often arises when chatting with one sister-friend or another about her recent break-up or failed attempts to convert Netflix and chilling into a full relationship.  The frustration and confusion that accompanies this conversation usually results in me raising the question, “is it time for you to just be alone? Do you think you should just chill dolo for a little?”. To this, I usually get push-back and there the conversation ends.

But let’s really think about it.  Why is this so hard?  Shouldn’t we be comfortable being alone? Isn’t this all a part of self-care?

For me, self-care means getting away from all of the preverbal noise and finding a quiet place. I need quality time. It is unplugging for a day, a weekend, even a few hours, to forget about everything going on in my life and just be. Self-care is watching crap movies and turning off my brain, eating something comforting and finally doing something with my hands – be it my hair, nails, or some other creative outlet.

Alone time is my self-love language.

What are the things you like to do to show yourself, love? Do you thrive off of words of affirmation? Are acts of service what bring to your place of peace? Do you like to receive gifts? Would treating yourself to a coffee or a new pair of shoes make your day? Or do you need quality time alone?

How do you make yourself happy?  I challenge you this week to do that.