Give Yourself Permission
I have been having some trouble lately. Last week was a tough, stressful one. January was a long year for me! A lot has been happening around me and I have been annoyed because I can’t do much to change these things. I would love nothing more than to spend the day in my bed and hiding from the world. I’m tired... Tired.
Please bear with me as I work on this whole transparency thing.
I am stressed. I am stressed out!... but I am not allowed to be. I am a black woman I have to be strong and get sh*t done. I can’t feel. I am not allowed to break down. I can’t show weakness.
Yes, I know what you’re saying, this is not the case. I should be free to feel how I want to. I should feel free to share my emotions. My feelings have value!... but they don’t. I can’t show this. I can’t let my guard down and be vulnerable in this way. I have to be protected at all times because I don’t have anyone to do that for me.
My inability to allow myself to feel is likely not foreign to you. I am sure you have been taught “black women don’t get stressed; we get it done”. We are taught to be strong and to never show that we can’t handle something. We were are only allowed to cry when we someone in our family has passed. We can’t show pain or any other sort of vulnerability. We are taught to live in a box.
Think about it, the way we are portrayed in the media is as strong black women who hold together our broken families while grinning and bearing abusive partners and being relegated to being a ‘sassy’ housekeeper. Yes, this is a historic view, THANK RA for Shonda, Ava, and your girl and mine, Issa, but even some of our favorite brothers who create media for us use us as pawns. It’s disgusting!
If we are not sexualized (I will write about this another day), we are the angry black women who do not smile when told how much others like our “different” hair. Or we are told that some of our men don’t want to date us because we are angry, messy, and hard to control (we can hit on that sort of toxicity later too). It's all just sickening!
I’m tired of this. I am tired of all this. I want to be able to me. I want to be able to be vulnerable. I want us to be able to be ourselves. I want us to be able to be vulnerable and not have it seen as a sign of weakness.
I understand this is not exclusive to black women and women of color but is an unfortunate truth for all women, I wanted to focus on black women because that’s what I know. It’s my experience. I can’t speak for others. And another unfortunate truth is my white sisters are given more of an allowance to show themselves vulnerable than women from other groups.
Maybe we can challenge ourselves to try and be more vulnerable. Maybe we can work to make safe spaces for our sister-friends, homegirls, besties, aces, loves, or whatever we call each other, to let our guards down and feel. Maybe we can start a wave. We can change the tide and allow each other to be fully, and authentically ourselves. Allow each other to feel tired, and annoyed, and stressed and not feel judged or “less than” because of it. Let’s create spaces for us to complain and get it all out so we don’t explode! So, we can be real people.
I am stressed. I am tired of the craziness going on in my life. I am sick of feeling shame for not feeling in control. I am annoyed that there are things going on around me and I can’t do anything to impact them. I giving myself permission to feel. I have emotions and they are real. They do not cripple me but they are real and valuable.
Girl, please give yourself permission to feel!?!
